Everything Sad is Untrue: Memories Taking Shape

In the modern world, many people may find themselves as immigrants who have left an old life behind or even as refugees who have been forced away from their own people and culture. One fascinating look at how being a refugee, especially as a child, can shape a person’s experience of the world is found in Daniel Nayeri’s autobiographical novel Everything Sad is Untrue. Written from the viewpoint of young Daniel, the book delves into the experience of the Nayeri family as they were forced to flee Iran and found asylum in the United States. Throughout the pages, some of the themes explored include resilience, friendship, and adapting to changes. Much of the book’s content focuses on the difficulties that arose from trying to integrate into American culture and society. Specifically, being a refugee shaped Daniel Nayeri’s memory. Having been ripped from one culture to another as a child, Daniel found that his memories had been negatively affected. This, in turn, seems to have become a point of shame for Daniel. He even states that “a patchwork memory is the shame of a refugee” (Nayeri 49). Given this idea, it is interesting to examine how being a refugee can impact a person’s memories, utilizing both a literary and psychological perspective. This idea is especially paramount when reading and trying to understand Everything Sad is Untrue. In this novel, Daniel Nayeri experiences firsthand how being forced into the role of a refugee shapes his memories, ultimately going on to impact his experience as a child and the consequences of those events that would persist into his adult life.

To understand Daniel Nayeri’s experience without personally knowing him, it is paramount that one will come to a sufficient understanding of his autobiographical novel, Everything Sad is Untrue. It would be a mistake not to mention that the way the book is written is fairly unique. The narrator’s voice is that of Nayeri when he was around twelve years old, living in the United States. The story jumps around unpredictably, adding excitement. There are sections of the book that do not directly refer to Daniel’s life but instead act as him sharing myths or old stories that are applicable to his message. Daniel, along with his mother and sister, had to leave Iran after his sister and mom converted from Islam to Christianity. Eventually, the family came to live in Oklahoma and tried to assimilate into life in the U.S. Ray married Daniel’s mother, but one learns as the book goes on that he was very abusive to her and was authoritarian in his leadership of the family. Throughout the book, different motifs, such as stories about poop, are presented to deepen the book’s storytelling and depth of meaning. Nayeri talks about struggling with losing his memories of his happy childhood and suffering at the hands of Oklahoman bullies. Throughout all, Nayeri wonders how his life changed so drastically and how his mother stayed unstoppable (Nayeri 346). Understanding how being a refugee shaped Daniel’s life can help us see these concepts more fully.

First, from a psychological perspective, it can be of use to examine how forgetting takes place in the brain. The reason is because Daniel Nayeri’s experience was shaped largely by his view of memories and understanding how memory functions can better help us as readers comprehend Everything Sad is Untrue more fully than previously. In my research, I found an insightful article that discusses how memory loss can be intertwined with losing connections to those memories. The article does acknowledge that “much less research has focused on the neurobiological mechanisms underlying forgetting” (Guskjolen 1) than that focused on how memories are formed, making this topic a bit difficult but not unconquerable. Yet the article does come to a simple conclusion. “Just as making memories involves making connections, breaking memories involves breaking connections” (Guskjolen 2). In the brain, memories are closely tied to tangible things in the world. It does logically follow that losing memories would be associated with losing these tangible things – and the research backs up this idea. Furthermore, it has been “hypothesized that neurogenesis causes forgetting by rewiring the circuitry in which the memory is embedded through the addition of new synaptic connections as well as the elimination of pre-existing connections” (Guskjolen 2). Thus, something like being forced away from one’s home and belongings could negatively impact these synaptic connections and have a direct impact on the loss of memories.

It is worth noting that memory loss can also be manifested in other forms and occur for other reasons. According to a medically reviewed article published by Cleveland Clinic, “memory loss is when you have consistent issues remembering things you could previously recall” (Cleveland Clinic). The article also explains how acute memory loss happens suddenly due to events, whereas progressive memory loss happens gradually. There is no way to treat memory loss – once memories are lost, they are irretrievable. These things are interesting to consider in tandem with memory as a theme in Everything Sad is Untrue. While Daniel probably did not suffer from a medical condition, some truths from the medical side of things still come to the surface. There is no way for Daniel to regain the memories from his childhood which he no longer remembers. Yet we can also see through this that memory loss is a widespread issue that harms more people than just immigrants. One of the causes of acute memory loss is witnessing traumatic events, so it is possible that this is part of what Daniel experienced. In any case, there are others who have “patchwork memories” like the way Daniel does. Perhaps there is a cultural gap in understanding how being separated from a former way of life can so deeply affect a person.

Based on the understanding of memories explored in the previous paragraphs, further elaboration can help demonstrate how a refugee could be particularly impacted. An article detailing research on asylum seekers and their trauma states that the research is evidence that “memory impairments manifest in this trauma-exposed population” (Saadi 1). The research found, using a group of individuals, that a high percentage of asylum-seekers suffered from either PTSD or depression, and that both ailments were associated with memory loss (Saadi 2). Guskjolen’s article explained how losing connections can lead to losing memories, and Saadi’s article demonstrates how traumatic incidents often involved in leaving one nation can also be linked to impaired memories. Putting these two pieces of information together, one can clearly see how a refugee could end up with the “patchwork memory” that Nayeri suggests (49). Furthermore, one element that can be affected is recalling the order of events. In some cases, the asylum seekers could recall traumatic events but had difficulty chronologizing them in a way that makes sense (Saadi 7). Reading Nayeri’s book, some instances of this may be perceived as he is unsure about the timeline of a few of his earliest memories. In any case, it is likely that a forced refugee such as Daniel Nayeri could experience some memory impairment. This can then aid us in more fully understanding the themes of remembrance as found in Everything Sad is Untrue.

The stories that Daniel tells his classmates are outside of their realm of epxeriences, and so they decide that “all Persians are liars” (Nayeri 1). Going back to what was discussed in the previous paragraph, the next section of the book provides a great example of Daniel being uncertain about the timeline of events in his childhood. Upon beginning to share the story of when his grandfather, Baba Haji killed a bull, Nayeri cites this as his first memory. Right after, though, he concedes that “maybe I have memories before that. I don’t know.” (Nayeri 2). This connects to the previous paragraph because Saadi mentioned in his article that some asylum-seeking people are found to have difficulty putting events neatly in timeline order. Right here near the beginning of the book, Nayeri seems to exemplify this characteristic, albeit in a small way. Another piece of textual evidence that correlates with the theme of immigrants having memories shaped by their experiences is found a bit more than a dozen pages later. Daniel’s father tells him: “You are forgetting already. You’re forgetting your own family. And your history” (Nayeri 17). His father seems to be upset because Daniel is having trouble understanding some ancient Farsi from their Iranian culture. In this case, being removed from the language has begun to slowly reduce its usability in Daniel’s mind. No longer needing to use Farsi, it fades away. This pairs perfectly with Guskjolen’s claim that losing connections is closely linked to losing memories. Without many connections to Iranian culture, it naturally began losing prominence for Daniel. Hence Daniel had cultural difficulties, losing his firm beginning in Iranian culture and only just learning how to function in American culture. This is one example the book gives us of how being a refugee shaped Nayeri.

In Daniela Bareli’s narratological analysis of Everything Sad is Untrue, she writes that Nayeri “employs fragmented storytelling and Persian traditions to convey memory preservation and cultural loss” (Bareli V). I find this sort of preface to Nayeri’s book intriguing because it considers the important theme of cultural loss. Cultural loss certainly shapes Daniel’s childhood experiences. Daniel says of his memory of his grandfather that “if it was untrue, I don’t think I could take it” (Nayeri 350). Daniel was desperate to hold on to the few memories he had of his culture and family and scared that he had lost his understanding of his cultural background. He even changed his name to Daniel, because “nobody could say my name, Khosrou” (Nayeri 260). These cultural changes had an immense impact on young Daniel. He came to realize “that everything has a hundred thousand flaws” (Nayeri 257), including his life. Yet the book is not just about a young immigrant dumping his trauma onto his readers. He does not want pity (Nayeri 16). When one considers the role memories play and how being a refugee can impact memories, the meaningfulness of the book becomes clearer. Nayeri is sharing how his experiences changed him, but also the beauty that could still be found in the suffering. Nayeri’s “use of patchwork narrative structure [...] function[s] as metaphorical expressions of the immigration experience” (Bareli iii). Therefore, the entirety of the narrative reflects what it feels like to be an immigrant; to live having a patchwork of experiences and attempting to make sense of conflicting ideas that have made life discombobulated and confusing.

So why does Daniel Nayeri put such a focus on memories in his autobiographical novel? Perhaps it is because remembering is precisely what casts a whole new perspective on how Daniel’s childhood unfolds. Without the interesting thoughts on his past, Daniel’s story would lack the depth and ability to provoke thoughts that it has. Travis Hannibal authored an article on how monuments can carry a special importance for people groups that have experienced genocide, but the ideas that surface are applicable to Everything Sad is Untrue. “Memory rituals [can be seen] from the standpoint of nationalism, religious and sectarian transmission, and literary and architectural culture” (Hannibal 231). The meaning is that people set up ways to remember things because they impact many various aspects of how they live. It is no different for a young boy forced out of his Persian home. The very reason why Daniel struggles in America is because he was first formed into an Iranian society. His memories from those times provide him with keen observations on how different areas of the world function differently. It goes together with his storytelling. “If you tell somebody you’re lying all the time, they start to believe you a little” (Nayeri 131). In fact, “they start to question their own memories” (Nayeri 132). Nayeri is putting forth an argument that even a person’s memories can be altered based on external factors he encounters. Regardless, the memories change the way that each person lives. It is no wonder that Daniel wanted so badly to retain his memories. They played a part in making him who he was. Unfortunately, “no matter how hard I clench my fist, the memories pour out of it and disappear” (Nayeri 48). As Guskjolen shares in his article, “breaking memories involves breaking connections” (Guskjolen 1). With the connections being broken, Daniel sits unable to force his memories to remain.

This brief knowledge of how memories function has helped me to better understand certain sections of the novel. For example, pages 225-227 provide a very fascinating account of Daniel’s experience fleeing Iran with his mother and sister. Before they enter the airport, he is forced to leave his beloved stuffed sheep, Mr. Sheep Sheep, behind. While one can see how this is not of world-changing importance, the moment was agonizing for little Khosrou Nayeri. “I don’t know what she’s talking about”, writes Nayeri, “only that after being friends with him my whole life, I am supposed to leave Mr. Sheep Sheep to die” (Nayeri 226). Also fascinating is that this moment was one Nayeri went on to retain clearly in his memory, while other important events that took place did not stay in his recollection of the day’s events. Nayeri writes that he does not “remember them firsthand” (Nayeri 227). This is a premium example of Daniel remembering specific instances while having totally forgotten others. Perhaps it has some correlation with the strong emotions that he must have been feeling amidst all the sudden changes, not to mention believing he had “killed” his close friend, Mr. Sheep Sheep (Nayeri 227). Regardless, only some of those crucial, life-altering events remained to help shape Nayeri’s view of the world as a refugee. He even does not “remember the moment my dad left us, or let us go – however you want to say it” (Nayeri 242). When I first read this section, it was emotionally drawing, but I did not really understand the technicalities of Daniel not remembering. Now I have a better picture of some possible reasons for this having unfolded the way it did. Maybe the reason why this part is impossible for him to remember is just because he has nothing to associate with that moment. Without any photograph or souvenir, the journey on to the plane may have eventually faded into a blur of chaos. No matter the reason, I have found that seeing how being a refugee shaped Nayeri’s memories helps me to read this section with more compassion and wholeheartedness than before.

This essay is about how being a refugee shaped Nayeri’s memory and how this affects our understanding as readers. Daniel Nayeri was forced into becoming a refugee. Due to this, he lost connections to his early childhood and life prior to emigrating. As we learn from Guskjolen’s work, this loss of connections can impair memories. Secondly, Nayeri went through numerous events that were traumatic on distinct levels. He had paper clips shot at his neck and experienced classmates thinking of him as gross (Nayeri 48). His stepfather brutally abuses Daniel’s mom (Nayeri 345) and threatens his sister (Nayeri 346). Saadi’s article explains how experiencing such trauma can also impair memories. Some asylum-seekers may have “memory issues [that] need to be more closely addressed or attended to” (Saadi 8). We know that it makes sense for Nayeri’s memories to be affected, but why is this important to the readers of Everything Sad is Untrue? I propose it goes back to understanding the book’s meaning. There is a particular empathy for Daniel as the young boy already questions the stories he has told. We know that “memories are just stories we tell ourselves, after all. What if we are telling ourselves lies?” (Nayeri 349). This topic is important because it helps us practice empathy and charity as readers, but it also causes us to look within ourselves. Perhaps we have been shaped by our own memories. One might theorize that the kids who showed Daniel no kindness did not share this understanding view of his experiences. Ultimately, it is important for us to take what we learn from reading the novel and apply it to the way we interact with Daniels in our lives.

At this point, one might object to my argument on the grounds that memories were never the central piece of Everything Sad is Untrue – they are just something Nayeri threw in there because they were important to his childhood. While other things such as the persistence of Daniel’s mom (Nayeri 200) are certainly vital to the story, I simply wish to elaborate on how understanding how being a refugee formed Nayeri’s memory is important to understanding the novel as a whole. In this way, I do not wish to minimize other important themes and motifs in the book. They can be understood when one considers how memories shape Daniel’s life and particularly his refugee experience. The scholarly information regarding memories helps add credibility to this central claim. It is perceivable both from within and without the text that being a refugee could shape a person’s memories. Through this considerate lens, we can better understand the depth of Nayeri’s assimilation.

After all is said and done, the fact that being a refugee helped shape Daniel Nayeri’s memories helps us come to a fuller understanding of Everything Sad is Untrue and can lead readers to a better experience with the novel. Losing connections, witnessing traumatic events, and other factors could have led to Daniel feeling he had a “patchwork memory” (Nayeri 49). In many ways, a psychological perspective and a literary perspective work harmoniously to help us see this vital piece of the novel’s puzzle. This is important to readers because it creates room for a more nuanced and generous consideration of not only the story of the Nayeri family, but also for others we encounter who have lived through similarly tumultuous circumstances. As Saadi’s article helps us know, many refugees have undergone the same kinds of suffering and emotional trauma that the Nayeri’s went through. This invokes a lot of stress. Many asylum seekers suffer from various forms of PTSD, which further affects memories and their retention (Saadi 2). All this is a lot to consider when reading a book such as Everything Sad is Untrue and attempting to be fair and kind. To reiterate and clarify what has been stated above, it is complicated to delve into a topic so vast as that of memories, memories that have been lost, and attempting to show better empathy for others. Yet Everything Sad is Untrue provides unique insights into these things, of which it is hard to have a full understanding. One can hope that this will aid in broadening all our understandings and result in us becoming more well-rounded individuals. Daniel Nayeri experienced firsthand being forced into the role of a refugee at a young age, and he shares with all his audience how this shaped his memories in addition to his life on United States soil. We can certainly find something to gain from his transformation and all the hopefulness his novel manages to put forth in spite of all its bleak moments.

Works Cited

Bareli, Daniela. “Storytelling Techniques and Young Immigrants’ Identities: A Narratological Analysis of the YA Novels Just a Hat and Everything Sad is Untrue.” 2025. University of British Columbia, PhD dissertation.

Cleveland Clinic. (2023, June 1). Forget me not: What to remember about memory loss. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/11826-memory-loss

Guskjolen, Axel J. “Losing Connections, Losing Memory: AMPA Receptor Endocytosis as a Neurobiological Mechanism of Forgetting.” The Journal of Neuroscience, vol. 36, no. 29, July 2016, pp. 7559–61. EBSCOhost,

https://doiorg.bcezproxy.betheluniversity.edu/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1445-16.2016.

Nayeri, Daniel. Everything Sad is Untrue (a true story). Levine Querido, 2020.

Saadi, Altaf, et al. “Associations between Memory Loss and Trauma in US Asylum Seekers: A Retrospective Review of Medico-Legal Affidavits.” PLoS ONE, vol. 16, no. 3, Mar. 2021, pp. 1–12. EBSCOhost,

https://doi-org.bcezproxy.betheluniversity.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0247033.

Travis, Hannibal. “Religion and Memory: The Importance of Monuments in Preserving Historical Identity.” Church History, vol. 92, no. 1, Dec. 2023, pp. 229–31. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.bcezproxy.betheluniversity.edu/10.1017/s0009640723000896.